Oh yes, i'm not on about the classic fifty shades, or those long nights women pull out the Mills & Boon book from under the mattress, i'm on about the rant me and my best friend shared the other night. We were discussing how popular sex books are these days, now that society are throwing off the prudish shackles and embracing their "special" parts. We spoke about how much money I could make if I went from writing romantic comedies and fantasy books to write about naughty deeds with handsome rich newcomers.
Though no matter how much money I would make I cannot imagine ever writing them, I mean I couldn't take them seriously! Don't get me wrong I have wrote many a saucy scene but seriously? The flawlessly gorgeous girl, who doesn't make an effort, eats what she wants and still wakes up perfect that nobody wants? That just so happens to meet the single wealthy guy who takes pity on the flawless virgin and makes her his muse? Hell no. It just doesn't happen! I want to hear about the chubby girl with dodgy hair and confidence issues that meets the wealthy guy! I want to hear about how their eyes met across McDonald's and they threw their Big Macs out of the window and pushed the McFlurrys off the table before making sweet sticky love.
But of course not! No one wants to hear about the chubby girl, no one wants to read about how the girl has to get ready for at least an hour to look semi decent, but why? Clearly it is more realistic! What girl seriously wakes up flawless? Hair perfectly straight but not even brushed? She eats "Loads" yet does not gain a pound? It just doesn't happen. Women these days come in all shapes and sizes, different hair, different skin, different personalities! Why should we only read about the stupidly lucky ones?
And the guy? Same story! Gorgeous, flawless, rich, kinky, smart, interesting, talented, powerful...Everything a girl wants! Though really? What are the chances? Guys these days are just like women, hardly flawless! Running a highly powerful business? More like sat on the sofa in smelly socks watching the football! Surprising her with a gorgeous meal he has made from scratch, bunch of flowers and a bottle of wine? More like shouting from the bed to order some Chinese, but from the cheap place, they always give you plastic forks so we don't have to wash up. Romantic huh?
Though apparently this isn't saucy enough! Though these books are supposed to empower women, give them hope and aspirations, they seem to just make you feel like crap! Why can't I be flawless with no effort and marry a handsome billionaire? Why do I have to look acceptable and get the losers?
So to combat this issue, me and Vicky wrote a short real life sex book! It starts off in a university party where 'Daniel' meets 'Tory', a girl with serious hair issues, dodgy foundation marks, she walks into doors that say pull, she spills drink down her front and stubbs her toe. Yes! Normal annoying things that happen to you everyday! Well it's fair to say it gets heated between them two and she pulls out some Ben and Jerry's to pour on him and lick off but Daniel goes mental! Which sparks a rant about how that is a waste of such gorgeous ice cream! I mean cookie dough? Mmmm! It's just a little giggle we shared but it made us think. What would we rather have in the book? The ability to dream but know we will never reach it? Or the ability to dream and it actually be possible?
Personally I would love to be wined and dined, though obviously it will never happen. I have had enough boyfriends yet never one bunch of flowers or birthday/Christmas/valentines present, not even a meal out. I guess that I have just come to accept that, that will never happen. Though as much as I love that? I think there can be nothing more romantic than cuddling on the sofa with some popcorn watching a film! So I guess that fifty shades gives us that chance to experience the romance, the spontaneity that can be thoroughly lacking in normal mundane life.
So you guys! Which do you think it should be? Unreachable romance? Or settling happiness? To be honest? I'm quite happy with either as long as it's a good read but if there are any future erotic book writers out there starting their next book, how about not forgetting us none perfect girls? We are clearly twice as fun!
If any of you are curious about the rest of mine and Vicky's short real life sex book, and fancy a giggle then drop me an email and i'll send it to you!
Happy Readings!
Chann
jacqui.brough94@googlemail.com
