To my lovely best friend, and to any commitmaphobes!

So today my darling readers, I would like to talk to you about something my best friend and I have been talking about for the past week. True love.

A subject that will constantly plague your mind, whether you are alone and waiting for it to arrive or if you are with someone and hoping that they are it. So here is a question. How do you know when you have it?

When you first meet someone, don't the old wives tell you that you will know if they are the one or not? Well what about those that fall in love over a long period of time, like high school lovers? Does that mean that they don't have true love, or does that mean that it comes after years have passed? So many things that run through our minds when we are doubting, so many little issues we drag out of the jar we have been storing them in as soon as we start to question it.

It's hard when you meet someone, who falls irrevocably in love with you within minutes, and you are left wondering. Should I give this a try? I mean you think they are lovely, and they make you smile but does that mean you don't love them? No butterflies, and doubts within days? Well speaking from a massive commitmaphobe, a slightest doubt can make you run for the hills. So today I would like to tell you all a story, one that is true and one you may have heard before, but here goes.

I fell in love with a boy the first day I met him. He made me smile, and laugh and as a loud girl, I turned shy. I wanted to impress him yet somehow I knew he didn't need it, I wanted to make him happy yet I knew he was already. After meeting him, I saw him everyday afterwards, and the time I spent away from him was painful. I always thought that it was in fairy tales that this happened, that the princess gets sweeped off her feet by the prince the second he kisses her lips. Well, I was right...

True love though it felt, it ended. Crashing my world around me, stopping my world from spinning and my heart from beating. I felt like life was over, but with help from those around me I got through it; and though I have not spoken to him since that day I often sit and think of him, about what he is doing and whether he ever thinks of those moments we spent together.

Since the last day of our relationship love hasn't hit me once, not once. Some small part of me doubts I will ever fall in love quite as strongly again, as no one compared. Though the thing is. I have met so many people, and amazing friends that my heart slowly fixed itself with my friends love, not his. Gradually the pain left me, but the fear of being hurt hasn't. So now that every time an amazing guy gets close to me I run for the hills, I start to doubt if we could work, whether we'll grow to hate each other and more.

It would seem that this horrible habit of mine has brushed off onto my best friend, who recently dipped her toe in the dating scene, and as soon as she caught a bite, she ran. Crying in my arms she told me of her doubts, her fears, all of the things that this boy wasn't in comparison to the guy she has dreamt of all of these years. She called herself silly, that she shouldn't be so picky, that she shouldn't hope for her prince charming. I mean, look at what happened to me!

I genuinely cracked that night, my mind wandered off and made me think. Why shouldn't we all wait out for that guy? That one that has no doubts, the one that is so perfect for us we want to cry? That we don't doubt it for a second, that we are confident enough to be ourselves completely and trust that they will catch you when we fall? I want my prince charming, don't you?

My prince charming, turned out to be the wrong path, but hey! There are thousands! With each decision you make, a new path is created. A new prince charming is introduced to your world and one more chance to fall in love, so why not take it? If you don't like them then don't date them but if you think they could be the one? Why not jump in? Why not let yourself fall in love?

Living in fear will get you one place. No where. Sometimes it is better to live without fear than with it. So this is my advice to you my gorgeous best friend, and to all of you out there. Let yourself find your prince charming, he is out there. Just never doubt yourself when you take an ulterior path because at the end of the day, if he is your prince charming he will storm through the wilderness to find the path you took and take you to a golden one.

So grab toto, and your bright red heels and find that yellow brick road without fear, because he is waiting there, and he has all the time in the world.

Happy Readings

Chann

Fifty shades? Pfft! How's about something more realistic....Now pass me the Ben and Jerrys!

Hey there my fabulous readers, i'm very sorry I haven't posted in a little while. You know how it is with a new job, new flat and new area. Drives me mad I swear! Although I do have something entertaining to talk to you about today. Real life sex books.

Oh yes, i'm not on about the classic fifty shades, or those long nights women pull out the Mills & Boon book from under the mattress, i'm on about the rant me and my best friend shared the other night. We were discussing how popular sex books are these days, now that society are throwing off the prudish shackles and embracing their "special" parts. We spoke about how much money I could make if I went from writing romantic comedies and fantasy books to write about naughty deeds with handsome rich newcomers.

Though no matter how much money I would make I cannot imagine ever writing them, I mean I couldn't take them seriously! Don't get me wrong I have wrote many a saucy scene but seriously? The flawlessly gorgeous girl, who doesn't make an effort, eats what she wants and still wakes up perfect that nobody wants? That just so happens to meet the single wealthy guy who takes pity on the flawless virgin and makes her his muse? Hell no. It just doesn't happen! I want to hear about the chubby girl with dodgy hair and confidence issues that meets the wealthy guy! I want to hear about how their eyes met across McDonald's and they threw their Big Macs out of the window and pushed the McFlurrys off the table before making sweet sticky love. 

But of course not! No one wants to hear about the chubby girl, no one wants to read about how the girl has to get ready for at least an hour to look semi decent, but why? Clearly it is more realistic! What girl seriously wakes up flawless? Hair perfectly straight but not even brushed? She eats "Loads" yet does not gain a pound? It just doesn't happen. Women these days come in all shapes and sizes, different hair, different skin, different personalities! Why should we only read about the stupidly lucky ones?

And the guy? Same story! Gorgeous, flawless, rich, kinky, smart, interesting, talented, powerful...Everything a girl wants! Though really? What are the chances? Guys these days are just like women, hardly flawless! Running a highly powerful business? More like sat on the sofa in smelly socks watching the football! Surprising her with a gorgeous meal he has made from scratch, bunch of flowers and a bottle of wine? More like shouting from the bed to order some Chinese, but from the cheap place, they always give you plastic forks so we don't have to wash up. Romantic huh?

Though apparently this isn't saucy enough! Though these books are supposed to empower women, give them hope and aspirations, they seem to just make you feel like crap! Why can't I be flawless with no effort and marry a handsome billionaire? Why do I have to look acceptable and get the losers? 

So to combat this issue, me and Vicky wrote a short real life sex book! It starts off in a university party where 'Daniel' meets 'Tory', a girl with serious hair issues, dodgy foundation marks, she walks into doors that say pull, she spills drink down her front and stubbs her toe. Yes! Normal annoying things that happen to you everyday! Well it's fair to say it gets heated between them two and she pulls out some Ben and Jerry's to pour on him and lick off but Daniel goes mental! Which sparks a rant about how that is a waste of such gorgeous ice cream! I mean cookie dough? Mmmm! It's just a little giggle we shared but it made us think. What would we rather have in the book? The ability to dream but know we will never reach it? Or the ability to dream and it actually be possible?

Personally I would love to be wined and dined, though obviously it will never happen. I have had enough boyfriends yet never one bunch of flowers or birthday/Christmas/valentines present, not even a meal out. I guess that I have just come to accept that, that will never happen. Though as much as I love that? I think there can be nothing more romantic than cuddling on the sofa with some popcorn watching a film! So I guess that fifty shades gives us that chance to experience the romance, the spontaneity that can be thoroughly lacking in normal mundane life. 

So you guys! Which do you think it should be? Unreachable romance? Or settling happiness? To be honest? I'm quite happy with either as long as it's a good read but if there are any future erotic book writers out there starting their next book, how about not forgetting us none perfect girls? We are clearly twice as fun! 

If any of you are curious about the rest of mine and Vicky's short real life sex book, and fancy a giggle then drop me an email and i'll send it to you! 

Happy Readings! 

Chann 

jacqui.brough94@googlemail.com

The deranged recent events of my ex.

Well my fabulous readers, like many of you, I have an ex. This ex at the time was the love of my life, he was everything I needed, wanted and loved, and he was all mine. I never wanted anyone else and due to his obsessive traits, I left all of my friends and ignored my family, which meant I had no one else. (Other than my amazing best friend Vicky, who never left my side). However great this seemed to me, I was trapped in an abusive relationship, and due to my love goggles I never saw it, and if I did? I forgave him. I won't get into the details, but it sucked. Majorly. Don't they all? Well he ended it, when I needed him most. Oh the control he had... My world melted around me. I couldn't breathe and felt so lost.

Awful right? Well, in my eyes it was the most amazing thing that could of happened to me. I escaped, and now I am myself again, I have friends, I have a job and my own place. I'm on the top of the world. I go weeks without him crossing my mind, and when he does I just laugh at how lucky I am to have left. Though it would seem, as soon as it has been a few weeks without his puny face crossing my mind he pops up. He can't contact me as I changed everything, and blocked him from every site I could. He doesn't know where I am, what i'm doing or who i'm with. However, he does have my gay best friend's number (Who by the way is the most amazing guy I have met, I mean him and his fella practically pee sparkles they are so fabulous) who he contacts whenever he feels like it about such pathetic things it makes us cry of laughter.

The first thing he popped up with was that apparently I owed him £20. He told my gay best friend that it was for a pair of shoes, which by the way he bought me as a gift. Well, my GBF obviously called me up and asked. Living in supported housing I had not a penny to my name to silence his pestering with, and it really stressed me out. I didn't know what I would do and as it was just after the break up I couldn't cope with the thought of him. It stressed me out no end, but my fabulous GBF calmly paid my ex the money and told me to think nothing more of it. Thankfully it silenced him, and we prayed that it would be the last time that he re-appeared.

Our prayers weren't answered. About a month later he popped back up with another request. The day I had walked out, I was wearing his hat. Oh yes. He wanted his hat back. This thing was made of a bit of netting, and you could pick them up for about £5 from the local factory shop, but of course this was bang out of order for him and he demanded his hat back. Of course I was gutted as that hat looked damn amazing on me, but to silence his demands I sent it through the post. Of course it didn't get there did it? He banged on for so long about the fact that his hat never made it through to him, and accused me of lying and not sending it all. My support worker stuck the postage on for me for goodness sake! I wasn't paying for it to get to him! My GBF once more silenced him, and told him that I had sent it.

In the mean time of all of this, he was going around my home town and talking rubbish about me. Thankfully I was set up elsewhere by then, but I was having people ask me such awful questions of events that had apparently happened. Coolly I brushed them off and came to the conclusion that if they don't believe me? Fuck em! My true allies would stick by me. Of course he moved on quickly, and he had a new girlfriend on his arm by the end of the month while I was still nervous of letting myself get close to someone again. That has happily passed now, but of course all of the information got back to me. I am genuinely happy for him, everyone deserves someone to make them happy and I wish them well. Though of course I had to check whether I could kick her arse before I said that to the informers (and I can).

Well a job, a flat and some dates later I have been living life to the full. Being me and socializing. Meeting new people and having that option of whether to stay or walk. It's exhilarating. I just love going to a new place where no one knows me and introducing myself as a completely different persona. Try it. It's so interesting to see how people change around you. Walking into a bar as a cool successful Rachel Star, a journalist with high standards, in comparison to walking in as Lucy Jones, a successful cheerleader with daddy issues. I just love it.

So sitting in front of my laptop I had a cheeky google of my blog, and typed in "itsachannthing". You can imagine my face as a big picture of him appeared on Images. Don't ask me why, but it just does. I'm trying to get rid of  it, but for any of you that google before I manage it's disposal, yes he is wearing the infamous hat. I sighed, and returned to my blog. That's when I got a call from my amazing GBF. The first words that escaped his mouth were "Jacqui, is there something you want to tell me?". My mind searched for something to answer with but to no avail. He then let me know of the most funniest occurrence so far. He had called him up, and  told my GBF that I was pregnant. With his child. Like seriously? Who is that insane? Well of course I burst into a fit of giggles and so did my GBF. It was ridiculous. I asked how my dimwitted ex had come to that conclusion and I was told that he had received a Cow and Gate leaflet addressed to me. A leaflet...Seriously. On further thought through my laughter, I remembered that we had applied together online on Cow and Gate so he could have a free cow teddy. So HE could have one. Bless his cotton socks. He seriously thought I was pregnant, and in his blind panic he decided to tell everyone he had ever met that he had knocked his ex up. So now my name is under so much slander in that town i'm afraid it won't be able to take the weight. Of both the lies and my imaginary pregnancy stomach. Though I couldn't care less! I like to sit and smile at the thought of everyone thinking what happened to innocent country girl from Ashley? That someone might sit there and tell their friend that they heard of this girl... Well it makes me laugh.

The reason why I have told you all this? Well for one it's entertaining for me but mainly it's this. If you have broke up with someone on bad terms, the best thing for you both is a clean break. I don't care who's fault it was that you split or what happened, there is no point dragging each other down when you aren't together anymore. Luckily my GBF doesn't mind too much that he is in the middle but of course he would prefer not to be, but imagine if you put a close friend in the middle who didn't have such a high tolerance? They would snap. If they owe you money? Forget it. If they have something of yours that you won't die from not having? Leave it. If you receive a leaflet and fear she may be pregnant? Well...Don't be an idiot. A clean break is the best thing, it only makes things harder when there isn't one. Oh, and if you are stuck with an ex who won't leave you be? Well, just know. You will come out of the other side of it ten times better, and who knows? Maybe some entertaining things to laugh about later like me. You start to realize that although they made out that they were a million times better than you, they are the ones who can't let it go, and lets face it. How sad is that? It seems stressful at the beginning, but once your life is where you want it to be, you'll be so happy that it won't matter! Contrary to how you will feel, life does not end when you break up. It just opens the door to a bigger one.

So ex's? Drop that phone and get on with your life; and those dealing with their ex's? Choose a fake persona and get out of there! Live life, and forget the troubles that one person brings. It truly isn't worth stressing over! At least I have a new persona to add to my list. Dianne, the girl pregnant with her erratic ex's baby. Hmm I don't think this will be as fun as the others but who knows? I could just carry off being a yummy mummy!

Happy Readings!

Chann

P.s. Don't forget to email me or comment any responses, problems or ideas you have!
jacqui.brough94@googlemail.com

I have been busy...I swear!

Well my fabulous readers, it is that time again. Blogging time. This week i'm going to fill you in on my on goings, what with rudely ignoring my blog for so long. Oh I missed you too! I will also end with a quick advice reply to an email I received earlier this week.

Well life has been rushed and crazy lately. As some of you might know I lived in supported housing for 3 months due to my mother being ill, and I was quite happily going about my day to day life there. I loved the people I lived with, and I honestly didn't want to leave. A "dole dosser" for 5 months I was avidly searching for a job and being trapped in the unemployed pit for so long, well let's say it was dragging me down. I was also searching for a flat of my own but I had a reluctance to leave.

Then one day I got a call back from a job interview, and I made my way to the company. It was for an administration apprenticeship and I had no hope. I sat and blagged my way through it, in front of my two interviewers. The big bosses. I have always been very loquacious and found it easy chatting to them. Apparently I was the first call back of the day and they would call me at the end of the afternoon and let me know my fate. During the interview the boss asked me an odd question, "What turns you on?". I literally choked on my water when he asked and my head almost made me reply "...Domination?" but instead I squeaked out "Excuse me?" through the water that I was wiping casually off the table. Honestly! What a question to ask! Apparently he meant interests...is sex not an answer? I jest, but seriously. Who asks it like that?

Well at the end of the interview, the big boss sat and rubbed his chin and made an ominous "hmm" noise. He then stood up, shook my hand, and said "You've got the job. Start tomorrow!" and started to leave. You could have drove a lorry into the gaping hole that was my gobsmacked mouth. I couldn't believe it, and my first sentence as an employee probably wasn't the best "F*** me sideways with a crooked broomstick, are you joking?". It's a good job that he has a sense of humor... The other big boss looked horrified, "You haven't even interviewed the others yet!" She yelped, clearly not impressed with my language. "I don't care, I want her... Go get 'em girl" He happily exclaimed, winked at me and then left.

I mean seriously...When does that happen?! I literally moon walked out of the room and called everyone, anyone and screamed down the phone at them all.

The next day I woke up, after a deserved celebratory lie in, and stumbled into the lounge to complete my religious facebook checking (Which I swear used to rule my life), to find my support worker standing there smiling, holding a number and an address. I had been offered a viewing of a property.

So off I went to the property viewing and fell in love. It is in a quiet village, lot's of country walks, and little village shops. It reminded me of home, and the flat was huge. Lots of potential and just waiting for me to move in. I accepted it that day. Since then my life has been filled with, work in the day and then trying to furnish my flat at night. It was crazy but it has finally started to sort itself out. My flat now has furniture and is waiting for a lick of paint, which I have bullied my friend into helping me with this weekend. I have settled well into my job although I seem to have been given the grunt work. Lot's of database updating, and system checking, but hey! It's a good job I like IT isn't it?

Living in this quiet village I started to doubt the exsistance of anyone from the younger generation until I was having a few drinks with my friends and I heard laughter. I looked out of my window and saw two lads having a fag on the road opposite, well trying, they couldn't find a lighter. I then drunkenly decided to go down and help them out. That's when I made a good friend in "Rhino". We also met his mate "Cheese" and he creeped my best friend out so much she ran off back into my flat, but not too bad for a drunken night.

I am happily settled now, still lots to do but I have adapted well to my surroundings and it's nice just stepping out of my door and going for a walk in the country just like I used to at home. I'm such a country girl at heart. Put me on a farm and i'll show you how to do it, put me on a mountain and i'll abseil like a pro, but put me in a city? Well, you better give me an endless credit card because I'm a shopper. Confessions of a shopaholic was written about me I swear, although I have not made the venture into plastic fantastic cash, because I would rather stay out of debt. Although staring into the shop windows of designer clothing...Well let's just say i'm majorly tempted.

Well I hope this has proven how busy I have been lately and I hope you forgive me! I will try and blog twice as much for a little while just to make up for it!

Don't forget to email me your problems and blog ideas! I love reading through them all! jacqui.brough94@googlemail.com

Happy readings!

Chann

Oh and in reply to "Sharia" (Her cover name), your problem is easily fixed. She emailed me with the problem of that she really likes a lad, but neither of them are ready for a relationship. Oh and they also both want to "hook up" as it were. Sooo what to do? Well I bet everyone is screaming at their computer now. Calm down guys she thinks this is a problem! No seriously. Well Sharia...Wait did someone just shout YOLO? ...Get off my blog. What are we all shouting at you Sharia? (Well the sane ones?) Just do it! Neither of you want a relationship, but both want some fun? Why not? What's the worst that could happen? Well you could both find out you actually want to be together, or you might find out you both don't work, which could save you a lot of time later. Just make some rules about what you are, and see how it goes! You are young girl, and life is too short to miss out. Live it!

Don't forget me!

Well my beautiful readers, this is an apology! I'm really sorry for the lack of posts so much has happened! Long story short I got a new flat and a new job in a matter of two days! It was mental, but now I am settled down and all moved in (Other than the eighty bags I really cannot be bothered to do) I shall start blogging again asap!

I have so many things to tell you all! Thanks for sticking by!

In the mean time, why don't you guys email  me? I love hearing ideas from you all, and you are all where I get my inspiration from! Got any problems? Gone through some thing mad and wonderful? Need some advice or if you just want to share a rant, drop me an email!

jacqui.brough94@googlemail.com

Hope to hear from you soon!

Happy Readings!

Chann
Recent homeowner, business apprentice and happy blogger!

Clingy boys! Pah! Prepare for a rant!

Okay Okay, side bar everyone. All of you soppy, emotional men. The ones who constantly check up on the girl who they like, the ones who make dramas over nothing, the ones who are clearly single for a reason, come close...and let me slap it out of you! I mean seriously, if I have to deal with another stalkerish, dramatic boy i'm going to rip my hair out. Yes this post is another trademark rant (Yet again with no paragraphs due to my rubbish computer). Recently I have had to deal with so many soppy, emotional boys that it's driving me insane. Men, you were born with balls! Why do you constantly forget you have them? Here are a few examples of what I have had to put up with recently. The first boy. Lets call him "Groucho". Well Groucho and I got very close, and decided to become friends with benefits. Let's be honest, we all do it at some point. Well a little while after, as always feelings get involved. He started to like me more and more, and I started to look at him as more of a project. He was down in the dumps, and needed help. He needed someone to drag him from the hole in which he had become accustomed to, but it seemed the more I tried to help him, the more he took it as love. So recently, as I lay in bed I recieved a text message with the usual beckon call from him of - "Come for a hug Jacqui". Well like usual he asked me at the wrong time, and I was in the middle of a film. I said no, i'll give you one later. To which he usually replies with "You better", but this time, he didn't. He said "Fine, well don't bloody bother asking me ever again". I sat there staring at my phone in confusion. What the hell was going on? He was my fudge buddy! He wasn't meant to come out with that! Well he didn't reply to any of my texts after that, and has admittedly avoided me. I have heard him crying in his room, and he has told a few people of our relationships demise. What relationship? So sitting there, I turned to my friend for advice. The second, of the soppy trio. Let's call him "Sparkles". Well I have known Sparkles for years, since back in my college days. Back then I had a massive crush on him, he was tall dark and mysterious. He didn't want a relationship, and he pushed me back "for my own good" every time I made a move, which of course back in the day only made me want him more. He has been a close friend of mine for a long time, and for years there was heat between us. Recently though, this boy opened up. Big time. He told me he loved me, that he wanted to break the years of not being with anyone to be in a relationship with me, he calls and texts none stop and constantly wants to spend time with me. I personally think it's because I lost a huge amount of weight, and actually have a brain on my shoulders now. I outsmart him, and am actually rejecting him. Not the childish girl I used to be. Though now he has revealed all of this, the heat has evaporated and i'm actually annoyed by his presence. I mean what happened? He was the wise, smart friend who I constantly went to advice with, the one who used to laugh at being a in a relationship, and now he's talking about marriage? Hell no! I mean this boy has never even had sex with me, and he is like this. I hate to imagine what he would be like if we did! Now I can't shake him, he is like a bad smell. He asked if we could come up with a deal. No sex, no kissing, no hugging anyone else, until I came up with a decision. I'll repeat myself, Hell no! This boy knows the answer, and yet is holding onto some hope that i'd still stay faithful to someone I want as a friend? Ach! Now his funny rants don't entertain me, they annoy me. His hugs aren't as a friends that comfort you, they are as a crushes that make me uncomfortable. I genuinley miss having this guy as a friend, but that's broken, for now at least. Now the third. A person you have all heard loads about. If you smart enough to make a link, then bravo. Let's call him "Fields". Well fields, and I have been close friends for a while, but after some issues where he was banished to a friendzone, he has become clingy. To the point of pure annoyance. When we don't speak for a day, he's messaging my friends to see if i'm okay. Look, i'll say what me and my best friend agree. Friends don't have to speak everyday to be friends. As long as they are there when you need them. This lad however believes you MUST talk everyday, unless you are killed, kidnapped or tortured. My friends got sick of him which was causing tension between me and them, which sent me over the edge. I am not, and have never been with this boy, yet he was like this? It pushed it too far for me, which is currently causing a barney. The point I am trying to make is, lads! I understand that you have feelings, that sometimes emotions rule over judgement, trust me I know, but restraining orders were made for a reason! If you start a fling with a girl, that is for all purpose fun, don't then turn into a hormonal wife demanding more without even discussing it. If you like a girl, let her know without making her wish she had never opened her mouth years ago. If you can't get over your friend zone, or even if you like a girl to the point of worrying over her where abouts, don't go causing arguments with her friends, pestering them for her schedule. They don't care, and neither does she. I honest to god miss the days where you could have fun with a guy, you could go out drinking and dancing. Laughing all night, without having the repurcussions afterwards. I miss the days you could be on the same page as the person you liked, so you didn't feel the need to, let's call it what it is, STALK eachother! Take a girl out for a date sure! Just make it fun, not like an anniversary meeting of the few days you have known eachother (whether it feels like you have known eachother for years or not!). Remember, if the woman isn't being soppy and emotional, then why are you? Do not get me wrong, if you love someone tell them, if you have feelings then show them, just don't force the girl in the corner and surround her by it until she crumples. I recently had a date with a lad, who took me out for a few drinks. We had so much fun, and laughed all night. It ended with a great kiss and we both agreed that there would be a second. We started to meet up whenever he was in the area, and would chat. It was going well, until recently. The reason I agreed to the first date was that I made a bargain with him 3months earlier. Get off the drugs, and I would go on ONE date with him. He was a bad boy and was literally ruining his life with them. Facing prison sentences, banned from the town, but he took it in. Three months later he had sobered up completely, and rang me up. I was in shock, he looked amazing and healthy. Of course I happily agreed to it, and the sober him was amazing. I found I could have an intellectual converstaion with him, which is thoroughly lacking in most people these days. Though the other day, due to family circumstance, in his emotional stress he reached for the drugs and fell back into the hole he dragged himself out of. Instead of telling me, he cowarded out of it. He ignored me, and decided to avoid me. This is the thing lads. While you are crying to the person that you just met that you want 5 children with them, you are automatically trying to please them. So when something bad actually happens, you are faced with two decisions. Be honest and hurt them. Or avoid and lie. I know which one every girl would rather have. Arguments can be finished, and are healthy. Lying isn't! So men! All of you, get your hand and put them down your boxers. Feel those things? They are called balls! Don't forget you have them, and man the hell up! No one wants an emotional shadow, whether you are male or female! So remember my golden rule! Let them know your feelings by all means, but if your actions can be put on a restraining order? You should probably back off! Oh, and if you are avoiding someone because you have done something you shouldn't? Be a man and tell them! We are more forgiving than you would think! - Chann

Anti Love Letter

Oh the joys, my enter key has stopped working again. Don't you just love it when life notices the one thing that annoys you the most and uses it against you? So yes. That's right. No paragraphs. Instead I will be doing random lines... Sorry. _________Well as you can tell by the title, the anti love letter has become something rather significant in my life recently. Which ...you know. Sucks. How else can I put it? You know the thrill of recieving a text, an email, a facebook message (seriously, what happened to pen and paper?) off the person you love the most? How your heart beats fast and your stomach flips? Well imagine opening the message and instead of opening it and seeing lovely notes of emotion, you see words of the friend zone, the we can still be friends? Yeah. It sucks. Now of course I always feel bad for the person opening it and feeling their heart being renched out, but seriously. Do you know how hard it is to write them? Trying to think of the nicest way to cut some poor person's heart out of their chest? It's so difficult, especially when you are writing it to someone you genuinley care for, and think of as an amazing friend. Well it turns out, tonight I had to write one, and it was crap. It was so very crap. You know for a blogger, sending a message like this should be easy right? Well, no. It's not. So I thought, to make up for my rubbish message, I would do what I do best and blog my anti love letter to the world, in hope that he forgives me. __________ A little while ago, whilst I was living with my friend, I was dared to join a dating site after taking the piss out of him numerous times for his account. I mean seriously, the girls he was convincing himself were pretty? Don't even get me started, let's just say I spent many a night crippled in laughter at his "matches". Well I took it as a blogging oppurtunity and decided to write a post about whether dating sites were truly as crap as I thought they were. The piece was never actually written because of one guy. Let's call him Dyson. Don't get me wrong I still think dating sites are crap, but how am I supposed to write a piece about them when I had made an awesome friend on there? Me and Dyson chatted for quite a while, and he became a solid reader of my blog, which is why I am hoping he will see this. Fingers crossed. Well after talking for a long time, I met up with him. We went for a meal, and went to bowling. He was an utter gentleman and payed for it all. We laughed all night and had an amazing time. _______ After that night, we continued to meet up and have a giggle doing whatever we could think of whether that be cinema trips, treasure hunting, going to the seaside and laughing at funny names of boats. We became close as hell, and I looked forward to seeing him every week. My best friend. Look, all of you lads out there wincing at the thought of the friend zone, shut up! I guess what i'm trying to tell you guys is that every girl deserves at least one decent guy in her life and he is mine. He may not be the one for me, but he is the most perfect best friend I could ask for. ____On paper he sounded the perfect guy for me, but then one day while I sat there giggling at the little paper flag I rescued from the burger I first ate when I met him it hit me. He is so perfect, he really deserves someone who can appreciate that properly. Not messed up litle me. A few days after that I met up with a friend and the worst, yet the best thing happened. I let my walls down. Yes, I know I sound like a right bitch. This amazing guy has waited around for such a long time only for me to keep my walls up. Then I meet a friend and they fell to the ground like the clothes on a street walker. It was unprovoked, and unexpected and shocked me to my core, but instead of talking to Dyson about it. Instead of just being honest. I was quiet. To the point that I ignored him for a little while. I was scared of losing him, my amazing friend. Pure selfishness led me to keep the information to myself and I constantly searched my mind for a good enough excuse but. Lying is not me. I couldn't do it, and after 4 days of silence I buckled. I sent him that absolutely rubbish facebook message and told him.____ We had a conversation later that night, and of course Dyson was an absolute gentleman and he swore to be my friend but I feel my apologies aren't enough. So here goes. Dyson, you have been a really amazing friend of mine through some of my toughest times and stood by me, you have laughed with me in the good times and cried in the saddest, and I could never replace you. I know i've hurt you and trust me I don't feel great about myself. Allowing you to wait and then refusing; but you are an a amazing person and I couldn't ask for a better friend than you. I know you hoped for more, and hey! At one point I thought maybe I could see it too, but let's be honest. The ranting, loud, messed up blogger, with the gentleman? That never happens. Although to be quite honest I can see myself chasing you down the road with my walking stick while you make a quick exit with you zimmerframe in years to come! I just hope you'll give me a chance to show you I may not be the best crush, but I can be a great friend, and when we are old in wheelchairs and you throw my spare teeth out of the window and pretend you don't know where they are? I'll forgive you...Just for this._____ So guys! All the guys in the "Friend Zone", I never understood truly what it was like to stick you all in there, and I know some of you see it like us saying your puppy is dead...but you can still play with the dead body! But it's not. What's so wrong with being friends these days? Let's be honest, friends can last forever. ______So Dyson, and my lovely readers. I hope you read my anti love letter and forgive me. This post may not have been a letter full of roses and heart shaped chocolates, but it doesn't mean any less. My anti Love Letter. For my best friend. _______Chann________ On a more sacrier note, there is spider the size of my palm in my room and I hope to god he forgives me quick because I am not entering my room until it's gone!

Not a love story, more of a buzz kill

Hello there my fabulous readers, it's time, yet again, for another post. This time it's about my friend (Let's call her felicity), well she lives with a group of friends in the town in which I live. She has been there for a few months, and lived happily with them all, she even got on with all of her housemates friends.

A bunch of stoners, they were always getting up to stuff in their rooms, but Felicity had always left them to do it. Well, she had told me about of one of their friends that she could never quite figure out, (Let's call him Fred). Everytime she had seen him he had said no more than one word, and had given her dirty looks. She always found it funny, but could never grasp why he was doing it.

After about a month and a half of meeting Fred every time he knocked for her room mate, there was a small party, which I attended. We all had a few drinks, and had a massive chat. Including Fred and Felicity. Since that night they had spoken every time they saw eachother, and had become more and more flirtacious. Yeah I know, what the hell right? Well, apparently all it took was that one night of conversation, to make Felicity grow feelings for this boy. A crush, you could call it. Yes. I had the same reaction. A crush at 19? I mean I get crushes on fictional characters in books (But who doesn't love Peeta from the hunger games?) but crushes don't exsist these days!

Well, a few nights ago I found myself in her garden having a few drinks with her yet again. We were having such a good night, sitting in the sun, a few cans of whatever we could afford, and when the world turned hazy we looked up and noticed that her room mate had a guest over. Fred. The moments that followed were a hazy blurr of me trying to stop my friend from going up there, and baring in mind that my conversation skills were slurred and my movements were delayed I didn't do too bad. That was until she fooled my dehydrated brain. "I'm gonna go get another can from the fridge".

It took me around 5 minutes to realise that we had all the cans on the table outside, not in the fridge and that she had fooled me. Looking up, I could see her standing in her room mates room. All I could think was God that girl is persistant...Where is my beer....I wander if I could balance that brush on my nose? I could not, but my god I tried.

Since that night she has turned to jelly every time he has entered a room, and she can't help herself. I find it quite bemusing but it made me think. Could it work? I mean he is her stoner room mate's friend, who until recently, hadn't said anything to her. She, was a previously strong minded, sober girl, who unitl the other day, didn't really know his name.

I mean in the past, when has that ever worked. Couples work on...well let's face it... tolerance! The tolerance to put up with the other's flaws, and enjoy enough things about them to make you want to stay. All famous couples had tolerance. Brad and Angelina. He put up with her insistant need for children, and her shovel face, whilst enjoying her skin tight clothing. Kermit and Miss Piggy. He put up with her constant weight gain, and stubborness. Whilst enjoying her cooking. Romeo and Juliet. He put up with her crappy family, and their impending doom. Whilst enjoying the odd kiss behind the curtains. Need I say more?

So will the bad boy druggy and the strong minded good girl ever be happy? Well, the answer is no. Not because there is no tolerance there, but because she is reduced to jelly everytime she sees him; but people! Don't think that you are too different, or he is too cute, or they are too annoying. Think to yourself. Can you put up with the crappy side to their personality to get to the good part?

Ahh true love. It's not all flowers and chocolates. It's all about putting up with their little habits that make you want to stab them in the eye with a fork. Although remember, the eyes can be decieving. That cute guy that makes your stomach flip, could be a mass murderer from Kent. Although if you can put up with his killing instincts, then why not?

Happy Readings!

Chann

Wall breaking. Not as fun as it sounds

Hey there fabulous readers! Today's post is about something I have come across recently. A bit of an odd subject but hey! We share everything right? What was that? A rash? ...Ew no. Okay maybe we shouldn't share EVERYTHING...You had to push it didn't you?

Well recently, I seemed to have stumbled into an odd position. My life is fitting perfectly together, i'm in search of a job, i'm hunting down a flat which should have me moving out in a few months, I have lovely dependable friends and a crush that is going well. It may not seem that much of an achievement but it is for me. I have had such an unstable life what with losing my family, my friends, my home and my money within a couple of months. Well the other night I stayed up until six in the morning, watching the sun rise. I was so relaxed and it made me realise how great life is at the moment. How all the pieces of the jigsaw I thought I had lost forever, have returned and seemed to fit better now than ever.

With no ties anywhere I found myself looking into work over seas and in places like the lake district. Looking at flats in places I have never been, and even doing things I wouldn't of dreamed of before. Why? Because I can! It's mad, and I may not have much money, but I have will power! A previously heavy...okay majorly over weight girl i'm now down to a healthy weight and still going down. I love it, and yes. Being able to run to the end of the road without running out of breath is an achievement. Especially for me. My favourite pass time? The gym! Ha! I know right? Me! My self confidence, after the recent heavy beating, has survived and returned with the help of my amazing friends helping me find my feet again. I used to spend many nights in my friends room, stressing out and crying. Everything seemed to be getting me down, every small issue felt like it was weighing me down bit by bit. Now? Well let's just say I went up there the other night, and for once it wasn't me stressing out.

Though my life sounds great, well to me, I think it may have given me issues. Commitment issues. Ouch, I know. Look ladies, it's not just guys that have them I swear! I have had to get used to not relying on anyone, with the thought that if anyone enters my life, that they could leave just easily. So now, I have a lovely guy that genuinley likes me, he is funny, and charming, yet I find myself panicking at his advances rather than accepting them. The thought of having someone always there doesn't relax me, it puts me on edge. Every touch, every smile, every flirting comment bounces off me. I have had to learn the very hard way not to trust anyone but yourself, and having someone tell me they will always be there for me? Well it's an empty promise. After losing my own family (Whether it be through untimely death or the abandonment that follows), my head lets me think everyone will leave me. My wall is always raised, and any loving moments I have are quickly closed off. There are about 2 people out there that know the real me, that I let see behind the wall. It's not pretty, but they are the people that help me rebuild it when it is knocked over once more by someone new.

Now i'm left wandering. Can I actually let anyone in again? The smallest statement scares me, the smallest sign of someone commiting makes me run for the hills. Don't get me wrong, I feel awful doing it. I end up hurting those that try, that may genuinley care, but I just can't. I feel like anyone new that enters my life, or even my heart, could risk this life I have built brick by brick on my own. I can't have anyone knock down my castle anymore, it was almost fatal last time.

They say, whoever "They" are, the first step is acceptance and acknowledgement. Well this is me, acknowledging it, to you fabulous people. I hope you don't mind. I guess my advice to anyone out there, who I hope haven't been through what I have or worse, that have their family and friends close, is to keep them there. You may get sick of your parents nagging at you, but what would you do if they suddenly weren't there? Trust me, I know. It's rough as hell. You may get sick of your friends letting you down, and the little arguemtns you have, but when you are faced with living on the streets and you have no friend there that will take care of you? You'll appreciate them then.

To all of you poor souls, who are as broken as me? To any poor soul without family, without friends, without the love of your life, i'm with you. It's a rough ride in life if you have to fight for everything you own; but we will get there. A wise guy told me once that life is like a rollercoaster. It wouldn't be fun without the ups and downs. And hey! Us guys on the bottom? The only way is up!

As for me, i'm sure my mind will eventually let me to at least create a doorway in my wall for someone special, but until then? I guess i'm just hoping that people will stick by and help me build it.

Happy Readings

Chann

RE: Women. My arguement. Men!

If anyone would like to see who I am arguing with here go to http://chemicalschildhoodandcocktails.blogspot.co.uk, although women? Be prepared to rage! Well where to start, this sir, I am addressing directly to you, Spencer. (And to any guys out there who believe the same) Men, you may believe that women lie an awful lot, but guess what? Sometimes it's not just black or white. Men are controlled by their penis, and the urge to eat. Women are ruled by their emotions, oh yes all of the muddled up emotions that riddle their way through women's brains everyday. I will now argue against your three points of lying that women are involved in. Number 1. The bullshit compliment. Oh yes ladies we know this one well, and we often hear it. Everytime you ask your fella an opinion on what you are wearing, whether the hours you spent getting ready were worth it. Only to have your guy not actually look at you before saying, "you look lovely dear" and then resume watching the football. Only for you to get out of the door and for him to turn around and say "Couldn't you have worn something a bit longer?". At least when women compliment eachother, (fake or not) it makes you feel good, they actually look at you and take in what you are wearing. Not picturing your brown boob tube dress with the stitching up the side as a sausage roll, and then wandering off to the fridge. Number 2. The getting you off the hook thing. Ha! Ladies please stop laughing, guys really think they don't use this! I'm just not ready to be tied down RIGHT NOW. I'm just not ready for a relationship AT THE MOMENT. Ah these sweet lines that have let many a guy walk his way into some girls pants. They are lies, as the few end words can mean the difference between a no, or a not right now. Those few words will give a woman hope that there is a chance, as believe it or not. We are stubborn creatures. I like to imagine cave women beating their husbands to death with a rock until they turn into the prince charming they made out they were in the first place. When women are just out of a break up, or if they are going through rough times, we will use the lines 'My heads in a bad place' 'I don't know what I want' 'I need time to think', yet men seem to think that these are a way of saying no. No? Most of the time women hope that a guy will stick around long enough until they are ready, until their minds are in the right place, but of course they won't. Plenty more vagina in the metaphorical sea that is the dating scene. Number 3. Oh god, this is the one that winded me up the most. I do belive I have ranted about this myself in a previous post. The infamous prince charming. I know I know, I too have said that he doesn't exsist BUT what is stopping us wishing for a charming, sophisticated guy, who will respect us and make us laugh? Nothing! It's better that than aiming for a scumbag chav with a bad attitude and that so called "SWAG" that I hate so god damn much. As you get more wise, you realise that most likely the guy of your dreams is the chubby, funny, socially awkward guy that you never thought of going near, but until then, us women aren't lying about what we want in a guy. We do dream of the Prince Charming, or in my case a Mr Darcy. Though we never said that what we looked for in a guy is neccesarily what we end up falling for! Guys make unrealistic expectations about what women should be like. For example, this is actually a quote from my ex. "Hunnie, it's not you, it's just when I dreamt of what kind of girl I wanted, I imagined a supermodel. Let's be honest that's not you. I wanted a woman who would cook me food all day, someone who wouldn't mind me being in the strip clubs. Oh and one who isn't all clingy. Let's be honest. You over reacted about me flirting with your best mate. You need to realise I have needs. My dream woman wouldn't have a problem with that...". Oh trust me, that little speech cost him a kick in the balls. With my highest heels with a platform wedge. Fellas? If you don't get that, it basically means OUCH. Let's just say, neither women or men are innocent, and lets be honest. We always antagonize the opposite sex. So my theory is, instead of finding someone that "fits into your life" maybe the person you are meant to be with, is the one that challenges those lies.Although I have spent this post ranting, I genuinley have enjoyed reading the males perspective, and it's great to see it from their side. So go take a look, and maybe argue against it yourselves my fabulous readers! If you have any thoughts or opinions, don't be afraid to email me jacqui.brough94@googlemail.com, or tweet me @wackyjacky1994 Happy readings! Chann x

Don't throw your toys out the pram!

Friends. We all have them, quite a few of them. Or if you are me, about three; But how do you make time for them all. Again this isn't me, I could probably count mine on one hand. I only like genuine people, and anyone false usually clashes with me. That and the fact that most people I meet are as dense as wood, and only see four seconds in front of their nose...right sorry rant over. Well my friend (Let's call her Lucinda...) has had a recent problem that has left her feeling guilty. Well first i'll tell you the situation. Basically she has had a friend for many years, she has known her for so long that they know eachother inside out, but her friend (Let's call her Mary...) has recently sparked up an argument that Lucinda isn't spending enough time with her, and she is spending way too much time with her new friend (Ermmm...Ethel. You never hear the name Ethel any more do you?). So Lucinda was sat ranting to me, that Mary is ditching her as a friend, which is making Lucinda feel guilty. Right! Well in my opinion Lucinda isn't in the wrong, she has two friends and is spending equal time with the both, but Mary is so used to not sharing her attention that she is throwing her toys out of the pram and crying at her mummy. I mean seriously girl! Ethel didn't take your lollipop she just took a lick. It just made me think, how many girls have sat on their beds feeling guilty that they aren't giving their original friends enough attention. Though, let me clarify, Ethel lives miles away, 2 hours exactly, and her friend Mary lives two minutes away. So they should see eachother all of the time right? Wrong! Mary threw her toys out of the pram, about something that she could fix! Am I wrong? What was that? Oh thanks you're funny too! But enough of this flirting! Back to the issue. Ladies, if you have many friends, someone is going to feel left out; but to throw a little jealousy fit? It's madness! Friends are friends for a reason! Just because they don't see you everyday, doesn't mean they don't love you any less! I have a friend who travelled for a whole year without communication with me, yet I knew that she was still my friend at the end of it. Oh and if she isn't after all that time? She isn't a decent friend! So, my advice to you Mary, and to any of you ladies out there going through the same thing, stick your thumb in your mouth, hold your teddy close and wait! Your friend, isn't ditching you, it's not like a cheating boyfriend, she is a friend; and Lucinda? Turn off your baby monitor and go back to her when she's sound asleep and content. Besides if you sit listening to the baby monitor long enough, it will drive you mad. P.s. Again I am sorry about my lack of paragraphs, my damn computer! P.P.S. Take a look at http://chemicalschildhoodandcocktails.blogspot.co.uk he is witty and entertaining, and has recently done a reply post to mine! Besides a males opinion can't be that bad eh? Yes I know i'm single, so I don't hear the other half nagging, but hey! Nagging leads to improvement right? ...No? Okay i'll shush now. Happy readings! Chann

Damn enter key!

Well my fabulous readers, it is time for another post! Although thanks to my dodgy computer, it will no longer let me press the enter key, so yes that means no paragraphs! It annoys me just as much as you, but until I fix it I hope you'll forgive me! ... So today ladies,this one is aimed at you! Today, yet again I have been faced with another heartbroken girl, another girl crying in her pillow about being broken hearted by a guy. Apparently this time this guy of hers, lets call him Bob (Yes I know it's a stereotypical name, but hey! Who doesn't like the name bob) had been chatting to some girl over facebook, where most problems happen, and he had arranged to meet up with this hussy of a girl behind her back. Well my friend, (Let's call her Jane...Yes I know) was of course devastated! As the good friend, I of course gave her advice as any friend would, but this is not an advice post on break ups today, Oh no. It was bound to happen! This is a post on knowing what is good for you! Seriously girls! If he has cheated on all of his exes before you, and has a track record for it, Oh, and told you that he was not ready to settle down; What makes you think you can make him change? The reason Bob doesn't feel guilty, is because he warned her before. She knew how he felt, and how he was going to act, yet she pushed for it anyway. I mean seriously, what is it with you girls? Yes Yes I know, I have told you all my thing for bad guys, but there truly is a limit. I have a friend, who I love to pieces, I mean he is just a male version of me. Here's the catch. He is a bad guy, he sleeps around, he insults everyone, he doesn't want to be tied down, and wants different things to me. He is a bad boy, with a bad attitude. Hot right? I know, and when I was younger I would of ran to him, but yes ladies. It is a heart break waiting to happen. We spend over half of our lives complaining about always being hurt, always being cheated on, always being treated like crap, but how do we get there? We decide to risk it. We decide to play that wild card. When really, we should be listening to our mothers, and playing it safe! So after her tears had dried and she had seen the light at the end of the tunnel I told her this. If you want to risk being hurt, if you want to take that chance in the hope he will change do it. I have and probably will in future, but if not? If you want a relationship where you can tell your friends you have never argued, or that you are always happy, play it safe! I love a guy with intelligence, someone who can challenge me, somone who is witty and charming; but I know, everyone has their flaws! Taking a risk with someones flaws is different, but dating a tiger expecting him to be a kitten? It's not going to happen! Now Jane is off again, looking to the future, and told me you know what? There is some guy that she is interested in, he does like the same colour as her...eurgh I know. So I asked her to tell me about him, and suprise suprise. He is another wild card! Some girls never learn! Of course I advised her against it, maybe to give herself some time, to not rush into anything, but you know how it is. "But he likes yellow! Do you know how hard it is to find a decent guy who likes yellow?! God you just don't get me!" Though of course when it all goes bad once more, I shall be the shoulder she comes to, to cry on. All i'm saying is just think ladies, a bad boy is all fun and games, but at the end of the day if you want your boyfriend to purr then date a kitten, but don't date a tiger and not expect him to scratch.

Sharing is caring!

Hey my fabulous readers! It's that time once again where I share who I believe is another up and coming blogger! Blogs are supposed to be the random and crazy ramblings of a mad person, and this lives up to expectations. He is a newbie to this, not long on the scene but take a look! His witty and mad insight to the world of guys is unexpected. Well you have had the girls side from me, and let's be honest it's nice to hear the guys view! Take a look! chemicalschildhoodandcocktails.blogspot.co.uk Don't let the name discourage you! It's quite a good read! I should be updating my blog a tad later so come back and take a look! Happy readings! Don't forget to tweet me! @wackyjacky1994

Oh you are my best friend and you are seeing my ex? Ha! I don't think so...

So, my beautiful readers, this one is for all of the best friends out there! I'm sure you have heard this many times before, but ex's are off limits to friends, unless the circumstances are unique and you have the honest permission of the friend. I mean come on, it's like the rules of feminism!

Well, the reason I am ranting about this today, is because a friend came to me devastated today. She told me that her most recent ex, who shattered her heart into pieces, and then proceeded to stamp on them, was going on a date with her best friend. Her friend had assured her that she would never go near him like that, but she had asked if she was allowed to hang out with him at least? Of course my friend had said no, as it would hurt her too much but her best friend had been overly insistant. The next day, she had recieved a phone call from a close friend informing her that her ex had been bragging about the fact that he was going on a date with her friend.

Right! Let me get this straight! Hanging out with an ex of your friend (depending on the fact of if he has hurt her) is a massive no no! You just do not go there! It will hurt your friend severly, she will be sat thinking about whether you are going to come back hating her, whether you will have listened to the rubbish that spouts from his mouth, or even worse! So to go on a date? ha! Do you want to lose your friend? No? Then cancel the god damn thing and apologise!

Not only has your friend suffered through an attrocious break up recently, but now she has to deal with her best friend not taking her side! It'll be one more dagger, slicing through her heart, cutting off her windpipe, and leaving her feeling more alone than ever.

Though your friend may be moving on, going on a few dates, and having the courage to go out on the town again, it is still never the right time to drop that bomb shell on her. Also, put yourself in her shoes. Maybe an ex that will always have a place in your heart, someone, who you expressed to your friend, you didn't want seeing your friend, due to him talking slander to your mates in the area straight after the break up. You wouldn't want to be there would you? Then stop what you are doing! It's wrong and you know it!

Don't get me wrong, I understand that you may have been friends with him, while your friend was dating him, but that doesn't mean you guys will ever be as close as you and your best friend. If he hurt her, doesn't that mean he is capable of hurting you? Remember that!

And guys? If you are on the recieving end of your ex's best friend's attention? Reject it! It may seem like a great idea, or that they are you friend, but no matter what happened, they are going to need a best friend to go to. Someone who IS biased towards them, and will take their side. If not? They will be on their own, and upset. Be the bigger person, and give them that.

Oh! If it is your best friend that's doing it to you? Well. They clearly weren't a best friend at all.


Happy readings!


Chann

Revenge with an ex? Oh dear...

So! There comes a day where, after living your life with no attention from the opposite sex what so ever, someone pops up and admits that they have feelings for you. To your shock you return them, and it seems amazing that this is happening. You can't see him for a little while because of both of you lacking the funding but that's okay! You think it is worth the wait.

After getting out of a big relationship recently you are very cautious and you aren't sure how quick you can take things, but then! Someone else pops up. Someone you shouldn't be even talking to, someone you who has screwed you over previously, an ex. Okay okay I can hear you screaming at me but there are reasons! The guy you broke out of a relationship with hated his guts, and to get your own petty revenge your head lets you talk to him, even flirt with him, maybe even meet him?

Well right there, at that very moment you agree to it, you should stop. I have said it many times and I will continue to, ex'es are and ex for a reason! Keep it that way! But of course you agree to meeting, your head filled with thoughts of revenge, knowing how much it would piss off your recent ex to do it. Maybe you don't even like them that much?

Then there is that original person, that charming, sweet guy that popped up before and you had actual feelings for. You keep talking to him like normal, like you are not meeting up with an ex just for revenge purposes.

So you are stuck, in  a dodgy situation and you are perfectly aware of how you got there. It's a tricky one, through being messed about by your ex you are in a place where you want to hurt them as much as you can, in any petty way you can, yet you know it is bad for you, and yet the origonal guy is so perfect.

This is the right time for you to rally your best friend to your place, and ask for advice. I can guarantee that they will give you the same advice as me. As good as it feels, and as happy as it makes you to jab at the heart of your ex and get revenge, you know it's not good for you. He is an ex for a reason, and lets be honest? Do you even like him? I didn't think so. We all do crazy things to fight back at those who broke our hearts, yet putting ourselves in a situation where we wont even be happy? Its a big no no.

You should know who is good for you, and a charming guy who treats you right, even though you have to wait, is worth it. You have to think about your long term happiness, and you are not going to be happy with some dodgy ex, and let's be honest? Anyone you go to, to reek revenge, is not gonna be the love of your life.

I am all for being friends with your ex, or even getting back together with them if you parted on good terms, if you still love them more than you can bare, or even if you need closure, but getting back with an ex you dislike for revenge? Hell to the no. You can do so much better!

I guess what I am trying to say is, as sweet as revenge tastes, you have to realise where your happiness will be. It's not with that ex who you dislike, it's either on your own or with someone who will treat you right! Besides if you want revenge, could that mean you are not completely over your ex? But I guess that opens up another issue!

So stay strong, and be confident! Life will be on track soon enough!



Chann

Harmless banter? Ha! Nothing is harmless love, give it a rest

Right guys! All you males out there, this is one for you! Although girls i'm sure you will agree! When you have a girlfriend, and she is the love of your life, why do you insist on cheating? You love her enough to stay with her, yet you insist on texting and messaging other girls in a provocative way. In my eyes cheating isn't just doing something physical, if you have to hide something then you are already there. It's wrong! You would hate it if it happened to you, yet you insist What she doesn't know won't hurt her! Well trust me it does.

I guess you will be wanting to know where this has come from? Well! An old high school chum popped up on Facebook and started chatting to me. He seemed lovely, and we continued to speak every day. The conversation started to become more cheeky than normal, and in the spirit of things I spoke back in the same manner. Then the day came that we swapped numbers, and he said something that made my blood boil. Only text me at certain times so my girlfriend doesn't get jealous... What? Are you fricking serious? You have a girlfriend yet you are texting me in a dodgy manner? Well he then proceeded to tell me how much he loved his girlfriend and that she meant the world to him, but that when he hadn't seen her in a while his eye started to wander and he was after someone to have some harmless  fun with.

Yes I know, it is never harmless fun when you have a girlfriend, and it is an utter betrayal to even consider doing something. Though it made me think, if you are as happy as you say why are you going else where? I mean fellas if your girlfriend was telling you that she loved you yet she was off shagging some other guy you would be furious and feel utterly betrayed. So why is it okay for guys to do it?

One answer, it's not! When you have a partner it is not okay under any circumstances to go off with anyone else, chatting with another girl is fine, but flirting with one is not. There is no such thing as "harmless banter" as that i'm afraid, is another word for flirting. Just recently I have been chatting with many flirtacious guys, and all of them seem to be taken, to each one I have told to stop, and that if I was their girlfriend i'd be furious yet they never listen.

So here is a word to the wise, if you are happy with someone do not ruin everything with so called harmless fun, it's ridiculous. If you are so happy you wouldn't be doing it! If you are a girl that has come across one of them, just think. They might seem charming and gorgeous but if they are willing to cheat on their girlfriend with you, they would do the same to you.



Chann

As a last note, soon I will be setting up a vlogging channel, where I will be turning some of my advice blogs into a video format. Hope to see you there! Though don't worry the blog will carry on!

Alone again

They say a blog is like a diary, that in years to come you will look back and learn from your lessons. Well here is my first diary post, to myself and to anyone it might help. In years to come I hope I look back at this and kick myself.

A wise person once said, the only person you can rely on, is yourself. My god how true he was! My life revolved around someone, someone so special to me that I would wake up thinking of them, and go to sleep dreaming of them. I would constantly be wishing I was with them, and when I would leave to return home, I would be so sad. My whole life was them. I was promised they would never leave, that they would always love me no matter what, that I would always be safe with them, and in their eyes? I felt it. I trusted them with my entire life, my secrets I entrusted to them, and whenever I needed help, or a cry or to share some laughter, they would be there.

We started to have some problems, and I drunkenly confided in his family, once it all came out, they told me to go to them when I had a problem. So I did. It felt amazing, I lost all of my family not long ago, and it felt like I had been given an adopted one. I was happy, and it felt good getting out my concerns and anger with someone.

I carried on, life still revolving around that person. Until I admitted something horrific to him. Something that had happened to me that plagued me for ages, something that caused me pain. I lay in his arms, crying and shaking, as he assured me that we would get help. That no one else mattered in the entire world, and that I wouldnt have to fight on my own. Worst thing is? I believed him. I felt safe, and that he was my knight in shining armour.

The next day arrived and we sort advice from his nan, a CEO (In the police). I thought it was all over, that I could be calm and content once more until the words left her mouth. I don't belive you. It's fair to say my heart shattered and I panicked. All I could think of was the fact that this woman had betrayed me. I ran from the flat, distraught. I couldn't stop running. Turns out, when I had left, his family had sat and told him everything I had confided in them about, every argument, every spat.

He believed them. It cut me like a knife and I havent stopped crying since. Sitting at home, begging for him to love me again, for him to listen, for him to believe me, but he didn't. He blocked my number and facebook, and told me to seek help. I was betrayed. And alone.

Since coming back home, I have spoken to the police, and sat in my room crying. My chest felt like it had been ripped out, and I never thought I would survive. If I was going to die, it would be of a broken heart.
I can't sleep, I can't eat. It's a vicious trap.

Though today, I sat and spoke to my support worker, and my close friend. They put alot of things into perspective for me. If he truly loved me, if he was truly my friend, he would have been there for me.

I had allowed myself to depend wholey on someone who promised that they would always be there, and I had forgotten my own feet. I allowed my heart to lie in the hands of someone capable of squishing it. It pains me to say it, but I will not hear from him again. Whatever his family have said, he obviously believes, and I can swear on anything I have never lied.

My life now must exist with just me in it, i'm in charge and I must rely on myself. Life is hard, and my heart feels like it is still being squished, still struggling to breathe but life is not over. Life is not gone completely. I am still breathing, and with each painful step i'm moving forward. I'm trudging through the tunnel, searching for the light. This time it is not someone else creating it, it's up to me to turn on the light switch.

I guess my advice to myself, and to any others. Your life is your own, control it. It's hard to see it, but on your own, you can't get hurt. Trust when you know you can, it doesn't appear in a day. The most important thing is, no matter how much you love someone, they can always hurt you beyond repair.

Some of you may think I am crazy, that it is just a friend, but since losing my family, and my friends, he was my everything. He put me up when I was homeless, and let me cry on him when I couldn't face life on my own. I will always be in debt to him, and will always love him beyond belief, but no matter how much you love someone, what has happened to me doesn't deserve to happen to anyone. That may sound selfish, but I would never want any child of mine in future to go through the same.

So when you feel like someone is your world, know, no one controls your world other than yourself. You create the light in the tunnel, you hold it in your hands. Let others in, but no one is allowed to hurt you, no one is allowed to abandon you when you need them most, and if they do? Turn off the light and find the confidence that you can walk in the dark. On your own.

Chann

The moronic ways of a smitten warrior

When is the right time to tell someone your feelings? Wow, big question I know. One with a million answers wouldn't you say? Well you are wrong...sorry.

My good friend recently told me that they were in love with someone, someone who was leaving the college they attend and probably won't see them again for a very long time. Sucks right? Well my reaction was not sympathetic, I went mad! I was bouncing around slamming on my keyboard my response of Tell her! What's the worst that can happen? Think about it, the worst she could say is no. Then you will move on, and you won't have to see her all the time, and be faced with that awkward silence where neither of you know if the other is over them or not. Of course he didn't listen, but I know for a fact, when she leaves he will regret not taking that chance. I know I would.

Many a time in my past I have been faced with a situation where I have feelings for someone, maybe a friend, maybe someone I can't have, maybe even Johnny Depp (Come on, who doesn't) and I have done nothing about it. I have sat thinking of them, hanging off every word and then getting angry that they haven't noticed my obvious  feelings, I mean why haven't they noticed that I am smitten with them and then proposed? Come on, I know you all have been there. Guys included! Thing is, most of the time that we believe we are being obvious, and we think we are letting them know in the most subtle sexiest way that we like them, we're usually acting like a moron, and surprise surprise, they don't notice that the moron is in love.

I have not escaped the moronic ways of a smitten warrior. I personally have done so many stupid things whilst trying to let someone know that I like them that the list would be endless, but just for your amusement (and to my embarrassment) here are a few of the classics.

Oh I like that too! -  Yes you know that old chestnut, they tell you something that they enjoy, and you reply with the over happy response that you too enjoy eating slimy seafood! This method of course is used, as you believe that if you both share a love for something, that will make them think that you are the one and they will fall madly in love with you. Well it doesn't work, and when you throw up the slimy food on there new shoes, well let's just say, they won't be very  fond of you.

Of course I can speak Russian! - I know, don't look at me like that! He may not have been the love of my life, but he was cute, and part Russian! I thought it would be cute if I could speak the language of the place he was from when he couldn't. That was until he introduced me to his Russian speaking friend, and I put on a very dodgy accent to their horror. It's fair to say I hung my head in shame and walked a way.

Oh don't worry I won't drop that priceless guitar! - You don't need to know anymore, it's pretty obvious what happened.

Well what I am trying to get across is that we can sit there until we are blue in the face, until we have seafood on our clothes, with shards of guitar on the floor, speaking in a slightly racist accent all we want, but they are never going to know unless you tell them! By the way, I am not speaking about the Someone likes you  sly kind of way, I mean the full on terms. Be honest! (but not too honest, no one wants to know that you want to watch them while they sleep and you secretly call yourself his wife and take his last name). Tell them, by face, by text, by Facebook, whatever makes you comfortable! Don't let yourself wander what if! Regret is a nasty thing, and can plague you for the rest of your life.

Rejection isn't that bad, the worst they can say is no! Or in my case You racist! If they say no? Well you accept defeat and move on. They clearly weren't the one, and if you must you could do the cowards way out and pretend it was a joke, or you didn't write it (Yes I have done that before, and yes sometimes it works, although when it fails, its bad. Trust me) Or you could just trust that they would take it as a compliment and assure them it won't change how you are with them. It might be awkward at first but it will soon ware off and you will be back to normal. That is worst case scenario. Not that bad right?

The best part of it is, there is a 50% chance that they will admit liking you back! Or even want to give it a go! Hallelujah! You'll be married by fall!

So don't live with regret! Don't act dopey and hope they will get the hint, go for it! Grab the bull by the horns and tell them. You never know what might happen!






Chann

Good first dates are not a myth!

Dating. Wow, I know. Back on the dating scene again, my god it's a scary world to be in. You hear so many horror stories eminating around the world about how awful first dates can be, how there were awkward silences, and you didn't know what to do, or how you should act. Well! I am here to tell you that there is a different side to first dates!
The other night I went on my first date in a long, long time. I was so nervous, yet I had started talking to a pleasant boy, and he asked me out on a date. I of course agreed, and thought nothing more of it, until a few hours before.
I suddenly got stupidly nervous, and thought I was going to hurl. I was stood in the shower hyperventilating. What was I doing? I don't know how to date! I've been on about three dates in my life, and I had no idea what I was doing.
Dragging all of my clothes onto my bed I started to try on dress after dress, trying to find something that I thought was acceptable. I'd find something I liked and then I would change my mind and throw it in the corner, swearing at it as it fell.
I started doing my make up and hair, and then changing it with each outfit I put on. I was an utter mess. It took me three hours to get ready, and that makes a massive change from the girl who takes 20 minutes tops. The only way I decided that I looked okay was when my friend kncoked on my door and simply said, you look gorgeous. Go like that. With a sigh I decided that it was probably best if I stayed the way I was, seeming as I had  5 minutes until he was meant to arrive.
So I was a mess. First dates are always bad. Always. I had heard the stories, read the books, watched the films. I knew this wasn't going to go well. Well ladies and gentlemen, what followed was a night of laughter and fun.
Not an awkward silence at all. There was constant talking and fits of laughter. I had an amzing night, with lovely company and I would quite happily do it all over again.
So it made me think, how many people have allowed nerves to stop them going on that date, meeting that person. Well folks, I can assure you, dating is not bad at all. You may well get that odd date that doesn't go to plan, but hey that is life! But if you enjoy talking to this person, and you don't run out of things to say over text, then why should it be any different in real life? Get to know them and if all goes to plan and they ask you, then say yes!
You may just find the lover of your dreams, or even just a good friend. It's not wrong to be scared, hell I was! But don't let it stop you living your life!

So, have confidence folks, it may just work out!

Chann

More cushion for the pushin'?

Men. Will we ever understand them? Personally I think not. I have no idea why, such intricate creations can be so dense. Will we ever know why they have power trips? Why they try to make them selves 90 percent muscle? Why they are so happy to use a girl, then drop her for a different model, yet expect pity of others when it happens to them?
Well personally, the kind of guy I am after is Eddie from the rocky horror picture show, and is his actor, Meatloaf. A
proper man. Chubby, talented, a rocker, that has a soul and is up for a laugh. I miss the days that guys used to be like that. Old fashioned and so un-perfect they are, well perfect. A guy was admired for his flaws, it made him unique. These days? Everyone fits into a group, or a stereo type, and anyone who steps out of them is a freak. Well pass me a chubby, old fashioned "freak" over any of these chavs, geeks or players any day.
Men should be there to rely on, rest your head on his shoulder, and know that he would kick anyone ass for hurting you. Not in the way guys start fights in the street, but in the way that no one would dare to come by, as they new you were his. Back in the day, this was how it was. No one feared that un-perfect man on the motorbike, but yearned for him.
Which leads me to another point. When did chubby guys become so unappealing? Is it just me that would still choose the chubby guy in the leather jacket over the guy in trackies? I mean women, you expect men to love you when you are chubby, why isn't that returned? I mean I find nothing more attractive than a chubby guy who can own a room, than that moody skinny guy that sits in the corner all mysterious.
I believe that all of these romance books have scarred our thoughts, I don't think I have read one that mentions a guy that has put on a few pounds and still rocks a leather jacket. Some of you may argue with me and say that thin guys are attractive, and i'm not saying they aren't. Each to their own; but I honestly think that the chubby old fashioned rocker has gone out of style, to be replaced with a modern version that has been on a diet. Quite frankly i'm sad.
I will continue to search for my Eddie, (although if you have seen the film, I don't want him to be murdered by a transvestite, if you haven't...go and watch it now!), or even my meatloaf.

Besides what is it they say? More cushion for the pushing!

Chann


If you are curious about the role he plays in The rocky horror picture show, go watch the film I urge you! It's so oddly fun, and you might just see what I mean.

Up up and away

Have you ever been so scared that your disaster of a life, could get worse if you don't get everything sorted, that you could be homeless, penniless and without contact with everyone? I have. Tonight is the last night of reliance on my friend to put me up and feed me.

As I have mentioned in one of my other posts my mum is in hospital, and I have been told rudely by my family that I will no longer be living with my mum, that she herself is moving out of my childhood home when she comes out to stay in a carers bungalow, and that I have got no where to live. For quite sometime my friend has helped me out by feeding and homing me, but after this putting him debt I have had to move on. 

To do so I have had to declare myself homeless officially, and ask for help everywhere I can get it. Tomorrow night I will be moved into a mysterious location, could be a flat or a hostel or anything, and that's it. I'm left to start my life all over again. Build it all from scratch and get everything sorted and to be quite honest? I'm terrified. 

I have awful nerves, and being on my own, even in my own house, creeps the hell out of me, so being moved into a complete mystery place on my own is such an ominous prospect that I don't know how i'm going to handle it.  Especially moving in with no money and no furniture. I'm not going to harp on like my life is the hardest ever, I know there are some people out there that aren't lucky to get the help that I have, (I spent hours on the office phone to get it), I know that things can always be worse but it's making me realize what really is important. 

I used to think that a raving social life, a nice wardrobe and other menial things were important and it sounds cheesy but now I know what really is. It comes to a point when you realize that all of the things you took for granted like a roof, food and water are actually the things you need the most, and you notice it most when you are faced with the prospect of no longer having them. 

Tomorrow is a big day, it's the start of something new that I am absolutely terrified of, but you know what? I've said it before, we should always do the thing that scares us the most and that is exactly what i'm going to do. I can say this for sure though, I am never going to lose perspective again, or forget those who have helped me out so much. 

Wish me luck!

Chann 

Over thinking, we all do it!

Looking back through the past, and thinking of all of those things we should of have done is something that will plagues everyone’s mind at some point in their life, the chances we should have taken, the person we should have appreciated a bit more, the friend we should have forgiven or even that party we should have gone to, but is looking back and wondering bad for us?

One of my close friends did this lately with a past love. They had attempted a relationship before, and it had gone relatively well, but they broke after deciding that they didn’t mesh as well as they thought they would. This week however she was faced with a decision. Her past love popped back up to say hey, they always spoke but this time, he confessed that he liked her. Now this led her mind to spiral out of control, thinking of times they had together in the past, the laughter and the fun. Of course she had the nostalgia goggles on, but she spent the entire week thinking.

Now one of the thoughts that crossed her mind was, should she go for it, even after seeing that it didn’t work last time? I suppose this would be a thought that would cross everyone’s mind path at some point in the situation, but what would you choose? They never had any particular problems and they broke up over natural causes, so what was stopping her?

Two words. Over thinking. If you are faced with a decision that could effectively change your future, you will do the normal thing, and over think things. Should I buy that top that will make me broke? Should I take that trip? Should I talk to that person? Or in my friends case?  Should I give it another go? You will sit there all day thinking, wondering, trying to picture what could happen if you took that chance, or even if you didn’t. It sucks, but we all do it. Of course after listening to all of my friends worries and questions, and found out that although she had doubts, she did want to give it a go, and I advised her to do so, but what should the rest of us do in this situation?

Well my first piece of advice is to find someone you trust and tell them your worries, a true friend can tell within seconds what decision you are going to make and can save you a lot of time over thinking, but mostly I say go for it! When it comes to relationships and friendships, something to do with another person I say go for it. What’s the harm in trying? Unless the decision is over something that involves your bank balance, I say take a chance! I’m a big believer in that chances are there to be taken, and you should!

So next time you’re in a jam, take that chance! You never know what might come from it!

Chann

One joke is enough.

Have you ever noticed how just one event, one comment, one joke can plummet your confidence six feet under? Being bullied for years throughout my education toughened me up, made me be confident as to not let them get to me. My self esteem grew, I actually liked how I looked, how I was, and let me just say. It felt great. I'd roll out of bed, put on whatever, and walk out of the house with my head held high.

Now however, it's a different story. When trust is broken, you start to doubt yourself. Entrusting yourself to someone, being the real you, is a big deal. Choosing not to put on make up one day, deciding to put on your sweats than a skirt or even just opening up about yourself. It's a massive deal! Some people can spend their life caked in makeup, dolled up, constantly looking their best and shut off from the world because it makes them feel confident. If that is what it takes to hold their head up high then they will do it, but if one day someone comes along that they love and trust enough to drop the routine then that shows complete trust. Some spouses say it's because they can't be bothered to make an effort anymore, but it's not that at all. It's  trust, and you should never take it lightly.If someone feels confident enough to be their complete self around you then that shows how much you mean to them.

What I absolutely hate is when someone trusts enough to let the mask slip, to be themselves, and it is received with constant jokes and ridicule. Fellas? One joke is enough. Pestering a girl to get naked and making a "jokey insult" when they do isn't funny, it's insulting. You may think you are being funny "teasing" all the time, but it's not. Don't get me wrong, i'm all for teasing when you both know it's a joke but when it's one sided? That's when it is bang out of order.

I'm not biased, it's the same for girls too. Giggling about your man's manhood sizing, or how they look is just as bad. For both sexes, these little "jokes" can be catastrophic against ones confidence. Imagine it's a scab, one scratch is fine, but keep itching and it's going to bleed. Your other half may not be perfect, but if they trust you enough to be themselves, appreciate it, don't mock it. One day may come where you reveal something that hurts to uncover, you wouldn't want them to mock it would you?

Remember! One joke is enough.

Chann

Bubble dreams and broken hearted

"You popped the heart seams on my bubble dreams"

We have all been there, fallen for the wrong person, the one you know you shouldn’t have. Spent months hoping you would change him, that he would realise how much he loves you, that he would just be who he originally said he would try to be. Then, there comes the day you realise, that isn’t going to happen. It could happen many ways, something he says, a lie he told you to cover his tracks, a text you weren’t meant to read, a conversation you weren’t meant to overhear or more. Your head rushes, why were you so easy as to be lead on, used that way? Why didn’t you get out of it when you had the strength before letting yourself get so hurt? Why are you still finding it hard to let go?

That’s it, it’s happened. There is a new girl in the mix, and you have been replaced with a new interest, you’re out of the situation. Your heart is now crushed, your head spinning with questions like “What did I do?” or “How can I fix this?”. Thing Is, you didn’t do anything. You were there for him when he needed it and vice versa, you know you love him truly and you have never denied this fact. Thing is, he doesn’t love you. Every time he has said it, it is out of habit, not true word and you need to accept it. Why did you hold onto the idea of you and him when you know it would never happen without a miracle?

Thing is, you are so angry but you know you can’t say anything. You weren’t supposed to stumble across that conversation, overhear it, read something, and see the truth behind a comment. Thing is you will feel so sick to the stomach that you let it happen. You believed those little lies, and that knight in shining armour you thought he was, has now been replaced with a lying weasel.

Now you are faced with a big decision. Face him, making him angry, you upset and ruining your friendship, or keep quiet, keep the peace until you get out. Personally I’d choose the second option, keeping quiet until I get out, but being careful to hide your emotions. Every time he says he loves you, don’t let it cut you. Don’t picture you and him happy, remember where your head is and run. Remember, you may be saying something great, but in your eyes you can see the truth.

I always believe that when one door closes, another opens. The gods take pity on those of the broken hearted and give them an exit from something awful, and open an entrance to something new. Giving you feelings you never thought still existed. The biggest thing? You can trust again in this new place, you can feel confident enough to step over the threshold and feel the warmth on your face. Don’t ever forget that. As hurt and heartbroken as you feel now? It’ll disappear with time.

Trust is a very precious thing, lies and deceit break this. If you are the one that broke it? You deserve to lose that person, just remember it was you that did it. Honesty is the best policy, and clearly it is not a policy of yours.

Chann