Oh you are my best friend and you are seeing my ex? Ha! I don't think so...

So, my beautiful readers, this one is for all of the best friends out there! I'm sure you have heard this many times before, but ex's are off limits to friends, unless the circumstances are unique and you have the honest permission of the friend. I mean come on, it's like the rules of feminism!

Well, the reason I am ranting about this today, is because a friend came to me devastated today. She told me that her most recent ex, who shattered her heart into pieces, and then proceeded to stamp on them, was going on a date with her best friend. Her friend had assured her that she would never go near him like that, but she had asked if she was allowed to hang out with him at least? Of course my friend had said no, as it would hurt her too much but her best friend had been overly insistant. The next day, she had recieved a phone call from a close friend informing her that her ex had been bragging about the fact that he was going on a date with her friend.

Right! Let me get this straight! Hanging out with an ex of your friend (depending on the fact of if he has hurt her) is a massive no no! You just do not go there! It will hurt your friend severly, she will be sat thinking about whether you are going to come back hating her, whether you will have listened to the rubbish that spouts from his mouth, or even worse! So to go on a date? ha! Do you want to lose your friend? No? Then cancel the god damn thing and apologise!

Not only has your friend suffered through an attrocious break up recently, but now she has to deal with her best friend not taking her side! It'll be one more dagger, slicing through her heart, cutting off her windpipe, and leaving her feeling more alone than ever.

Though your friend may be moving on, going on a few dates, and having the courage to go out on the town again, it is still never the right time to drop that bomb shell on her. Also, put yourself in her shoes. Maybe an ex that will always have a place in your heart, someone, who you expressed to your friend, you didn't want seeing your friend, due to him talking slander to your mates in the area straight after the break up. You wouldn't want to be there would you? Then stop what you are doing! It's wrong and you know it!

Don't get me wrong, I understand that you may have been friends with him, while your friend was dating him, but that doesn't mean you guys will ever be as close as you and your best friend. If he hurt her, doesn't that mean he is capable of hurting you? Remember that!

And guys? If you are on the recieving end of your ex's best friend's attention? Reject it! It may seem like a great idea, or that they are you friend, but no matter what happened, they are going to need a best friend to go to. Someone who IS biased towards them, and will take their side. If not? They will be on their own, and upset. Be the bigger person, and give them that.

Oh! If it is your best friend that's doing it to you? Well. They clearly weren't a best friend at all.


Happy readings!


Chann

Revenge with an ex? Oh dear...

So! There comes a day where, after living your life with no attention from the opposite sex what so ever, someone pops up and admits that they have feelings for you. To your shock you return them, and it seems amazing that this is happening. You can't see him for a little while because of both of you lacking the funding but that's okay! You think it is worth the wait.

After getting out of a big relationship recently you are very cautious and you aren't sure how quick you can take things, but then! Someone else pops up. Someone you shouldn't be even talking to, someone you who has screwed you over previously, an ex. Okay okay I can hear you screaming at me but there are reasons! The guy you broke out of a relationship with hated his guts, and to get your own petty revenge your head lets you talk to him, even flirt with him, maybe even meet him?

Well right there, at that very moment you agree to it, you should stop. I have said it many times and I will continue to, ex'es are and ex for a reason! Keep it that way! But of course you agree to meeting, your head filled with thoughts of revenge, knowing how much it would piss off your recent ex to do it. Maybe you don't even like them that much?

Then there is that original person, that charming, sweet guy that popped up before and you had actual feelings for. You keep talking to him like normal, like you are not meeting up with an ex just for revenge purposes.

So you are stuck, in  a dodgy situation and you are perfectly aware of how you got there. It's a tricky one, through being messed about by your ex you are in a place where you want to hurt them as much as you can, in any petty way you can, yet you know it is bad for you, and yet the origonal guy is so perfect.

This is the right time for you to rally your best friend to your place, and ask for advice. I can guarantee that they will give you the same advice as me. As good as it feels, and as happy as it makes you to jab at the heart of your ex and get revenge, you know it's not good for you. He is an ex for a reason, and lets be honest? Do you even like him? I didn't think so. We all do crazy things to fight back at those who broke our hearts, yet putting ourselves in a situation where we wont even be happy? Its a big no no.

You should know who is good for you, and a charming guy who treats you right, even though you have to wait, is worth it. You have to think about your long term happiness, and you are not going to be happy with some dodgy ex, and let's be honest? Anyone you go to, to reek revenge, is not gonna be the love of your life.

I am all for being friends with your ex, or even getting back together with them if you parted on good terms, if you still love them more than you can bare, or even if you need closure, but getting back with an ex you dislike for revenge? Hell to the no. You can do so much better!

I guess what I am trying to say is, as sweet as revenge tastes, you have to realise where your happiness will be. It's not with that ex who you dislike, it's either on your own or with someone who will treat you right! Besides if you want revenge, could that mean you are not completely over your ex? But I guess that opens up another issue!

So stay strong, and be confident! Life will be on track soon enough!



Chann

Harmless banter? Ha! Nothing is harmless love, give it a rest

Right guys! All you males out there, this is one for you! Although girls i'm sure you will agree! When you have a girlfriend, and she is the love of your life, why do you insist on cheating? You love her enough to stay with her, yet you insist on texting and messaging other girls in a provocative way. In my eyes cheating isn't just doing something physical, if you have to hide something then you are already there. It's wrong! You would hate it if it happened to you, yet you insist What she doesn't know won't hurt her! Well trust me it does.

I guess you will be wanting to know where this has come from? Well! An old high school chum popped up on Facebook and started chatting to me. He seemed lovely, and we continued to speak every day. The conversation started to become more cheeky than normal, and in the spirit of things I spoke back in the same manner. Then the day came that we swapped numbers, and he said something that made my blood boil. Only text me at certain times so my girlfriend doesn't get jealous... What? Are you fricking serious? You have a girlfriend yet you are texting me in a dodgy manner? Well he then proceeded to tell me how much he loved his girlfriend and that she meant the world to him, but that when he hadn't seen her in a while his eye started to wander and he was after someone to have some harmless  fun with.

Yes I know, it is never harmless fun when you have a girlfriend, and it is an utter betrayal to even consider doing something. Though it made me think, if you are as happy as you say why are you going else where? I mean fellas if your girlfriend was telling you that she loved you yet she was off shagging some other guy you would be furious and feel utterly betrayed. So why is it okay for guys to do it?

One answer, it's not! When you have a partner it is not okay under any circumstances to go off with anyone else, chatting with another girl is fine, but flirting with one is not. There is no such thing as "harmless banter" as that i'm afraid, is another word for flirting. Just recently I have been chatting with many flirtacious guys, and all of them seem to be taken, to each one I have told to stop, and that if I was their girlfriend i'd be furious yet they never listen.

So here is a word to the wise, if you are happy with someone do not ruin everything with so called harmless fun, it's ridiculous. If you are so happy you wouldn't be doing it! If you are a girl that has come across one of them, just think. They might seem charming and gorgeous but if they are willing to cheat on their girlfriend with you, they would do the same to you.



Chann

As a last note, soon I will be setting up a vlogging channel, where I will be turning some of my advice blogs into a video format. Hope to see you there! Though don't worry the blog will carry on!

Alone again

They say a blog is like a diary, that in years to come you will look back and learn from your lessons. Well here is my first diary post, to myself and to anyone it might help. In years to come I hope I look back at this and kick myself.

A wise person once said, the only person you can rely on, is yourself. My god how true he was! My life revolved around someone, someone so special to me that I would wake up thinking of them, and go to sleep dreaming of them. I would constantly be wishing I was with them, and when I would leave to return home, I would be so sad. My whole life was them. I was promised they would never leave, that they would always love me no matter what, that I would always be safe with them, and in their eyes? I felt it. I trusted them with my entire life, my secrets I entrusted to them, and whenever I needed help, or a cry or to share some laughter, they would be there.

We started to have some problems, and I drunkenly confided in his family, once it all came out, they told me to go to them when I had a problem. So I did. It felt amazing, I lost all of my family not long ago, and it felt like I had been given an adopted one. I was happy, and it felt good getting out my concerns and anger with someone.

I carried on, life still revolving around that person. Until I admitted something horrific to him. Something that had happened to me that plagued me for ages, something that caused me pain. I lay in his arms, crying and shaking, as he assured me that we would get help. That no one else mattered in the entire world, and that I wouldnt have to fight on my own. Worst thing is? I believed him. I felt safe, and that he was my knight in shining armour.

The next day arrived and we sort advice from his nan, a CEO (In the police). I thought it was all over, that I could be calm and content once more until the words left her mouth. I don't belive you. It's fair to say my heart shattered and I panicked. All I could think of was the fact that this woman had betrayed me. I ran from the flat, distraught. I couldn't stop running. Turns out, when I had left, his family had sat and told him everything I had confided in them about, every argument, every spat.

He believed them. It cut me like a knife and I havent stopped crying since. Sitting at home, begging for him to love me again, for him to listen, for him to believe me, but he didn't. He blocked my number and facebook, and told me to seek help. I was betrayed. And alone.

Since coming back home, I have spoken to the police, and sat in my room crying. My chest felt like it had been ripped out, and I never thought I would survive. If I was going to die, it would be of a broken heart.
I can't sleep, I can't eat. It's a vicious trap.

Though today, I sat and spoke to my support worker, and my close friend. They put alot of things into perspective for me. If he truly loved me, if he was truly my friend, he would have been there for me.

I had allowed myself to depend wholey on someone who promised that they would always be there, and I had forgotten my own feet. I allowed my heart to lie in the hands of someone capable of squishing it. It pains me to say it, but I will not hear from him again. Whatever his family have said, he obviously believes, and I can swear on anything I have never lied.

My life now must exist with just me in it, i'm in charge and I must rely on myself. Life is hard, and my heart feels like it is still being squished, still struggling to breathe but life is not over. Life is not gone completely. I am still breathing, and with each painful step i'm moving forward. I'm trudging through the tunnel, searching for the light. This time it is not someone else creating it, it's up to me to turn on the light switch.

I guess my advice to myself, and to any others. Your life is your own, control it. It's hard to see it, but on your own, you can't get hurt. Trust when you know you can, it doesn't appear in a day. The most important thing is, no matter how much you love someone, they can always hurt you beyond repair.

Some of you may think I am crazy, that it is just a friend, but since losing my family, and my friends, he was my everything. He put me up when I was homeless, and let me cry on him when I couldn't face life on my own. I will always be in debt to him, and will always love him beyond belief, but no matter how much you love someone, what has happened to me doesn't deserve to happen to anyone. That may sound selfish, but I would never want any child of mine in future to go through the same.

So when you feel like someone is your world, know, no one controls your world other than yourself. You create the light in the tunnel, you hold it in your hands. Let others in, but no one is allowed to hurt you, no one is allowed to abandon you when you need them most, and if they do? Turn off the light and find the confidence that you can walk in the dark. On your own.

Chann

The moronic ways of a smitten warrior

When is the right time to tell someone your feelings? Wow, big question I know. One with a million answers wouldn't you say? Well you are wrong...sorry.

My good friend recently told me that they were in love with someone, someone who was leaving the college they attend and probably won't see them again for a very long time. Sucks right? Well my reaction was not sympathetic, I went mad! I was bouncing around slamming on my keyboard my response of Tell her! What's the worst that can happen? Think about it, the worst she could say is no. Then you will move on, and you won't have to see her all the time, and be faced with that awkward silence where neither of you know if the other is over them or not. Of course he didn't listen, but I know for a fact, when she leaves he will regret not taking that chance. I know I would.

Many a time in my past I have been faced with a situation where I have feelings for someone, maybe a friend, maybe someone I can't have, maybe even Johnny Depp (Come on, who doesn't) and I have done nothing about it. I have sat thinking of them, hanging off every word and then getting angry that they haven't noticed my obvious  feelings, I mean why haven't they noticed that I am smitten with them and then proposed? Come on, I know you all have been there. Guys included! Thing is, most of the time that we believe we are being obvious, and we think we are letting them know in the most subtle sexiest way that we like them, we're usually acting like a moron, and surprise surprise, they don't notice that the moron is in love.

I have not escaped the moronic ways of a smitten warrior. I personally have done so many stupid things whilst trying to let someone know that I like them that the list would be endless, but just for your amusement (and to my embarrassment) here are a few of the classics.

Oh I like that too! -  Yes you know that old chestnut, they tell you something that they enjoy, and you reply with the over happy response that you too enjoy eating slimy seafood! This method of course is used, as you believe that if you both share a love for something, that will make them think that you are the one and they will fall madly in love with you. Well it doesn't work, and when you throw up the slimy food on there new shoes, well let's just say, they won't be very  fond of you.

Of course I can speak Russian! - I know, don't look at me like that! He may not have been the love of my life, but he was cute, and part Russian! I thought it would be cute if I could speak the language of the place he was from when he couldn't. That was until he introduced me to his Russian speaking friend, and I put on a very dodgy accent to their horror. It's fair to say I hung my head in shame and walked a way.

Oh don't worry I won't drop that priceless guitar! - You don't need to know anymore, it's pretty obvious what happened.

Well what I am trying to get across is that we can sit there until we are blue in the face, until we have seafood on our clothes, with shards of guitar on the floor, speaking in a slightly racist accent all we want, but they are never going to know unless you tell them! By the way, I am not speaking about the Someone likes you  sly kind of way, I mean the full on terms. Be honest! (but not too honest, no one wants to know that you want to watch them while they sleep and you secretly call yourself his wife and take his last name). Tell them, by face, by text, by Facebook, whatever makes you comfortable! Don't let yourself wander what if! Regret is a nasty thing, and can plague you for the rest of your life.

Rejection isn't that bad, the worst they can say is no! Or in my case You racist! If they say no? Well you accept defeat and move on. They clearly weren't the one, and if you must you could do the cowards way out and pretend it was a joke, or you didn't write it (Yes I have done that before, and yes sometimes it works, although when it fails, its bad. Trust me) Or you could just trust that they would take it as a compliment and assure them it won't change how you are with them. It might be awkward at first but it will soon ware off and you will be back to normal. That is worst case scenario. Not that bad right?

The best part of it is, there is a 50% chance that they will admit liking you back! Or even want to give it a go! Hallelujah! You'll be married by fall!

So don't live with regret! Don't act dopey and hope they will get the hint, go for it! Grab the bull by the horns and tell them. You never know what might happen!






Chann

Good first dates are not a myth!

Dating. Wow, I know. Back on the dating scene again, my god it's a scary world to be in. You hear so many horror stories eminating around the world about how awful first dates can be, how there were awkward silences, and you didn't know what to do, or how you should act. Well! I am here to tell you that there is a different side to first dates!
The other night I went on my first date in a long, long time. I was so nervous, yet I had started talking to a pleasant boy, and he asked me out on a date. I of course agreed, and thought nothing more of it, until a few hours before.
I suddenly got stupidly nervous, and thought I was going to hurl. I was stood in the shower hyperventilating. What was I doing? I don't know how to date! I've been on about three dates in my life, and I had no idea what I was doing.
Dragging all of my clothes onto my bed I started to try on dress after dress, trying to find something that I thought was acceptable. I'd find something I liked and then I would change my mind and throw it in the corner, swearing at it as it fell.
I started doing my make up and hair, and then changing it with each outfit I put on. I was an utter mess. It took me three hours to get ready, and that makes a massive change from the girl who takes 20 minutes tops. The only way I decided that I looked okay was when my friend kncoked on my door and simply said, you look gorgeous. Go like that. With a sigh I decided that it was probably best if I stayed the way I was, seeming as I had  5 minutes until he was meant to arrive.
So I was a mess. First dates are always bad. Always. I had heard the stories, read the books, watched the films. I knew this wasn't going to go well. Well ladies and gentlemen, what followed was a night of laughter and fun.
Not an awkward silence at all. There was constant talking and fits of laughter. I had an amzing night, with lovely company and I would quite happily do it all over again.
So it made me think, how many people have allowed nerves to stop them going on that date, meeting that person. Well folks, I can assure you, dating is not bad at all. You may well get that odd date that doesn't go to plan, but hey that is life! But if you enjoy talking to this person, and you don't run out of things to say over text, then why should it be any different in real life? Get to know them and if all goes to plan and they ask you, then say yes!
You may just find the lover of your dreams, or even just a good friend. It's not wrong to be scared, hell I was! But don't let it stop you living your life!

So, have confidence folks, it may just work out!

Chann

More cushion for the pushin'?

Men. Will we ever understand them? Personally I think not. I have no idea why, such intricate creations can be so dense. Will we ever know why they have power trips? Why they try to make them selves 90 percent muscle? Why they are so happy to use a girl, then drop her for a different model, yet expect pity of others when it happens to them?
Well personally, the kind of guy I am after is Eddie from the rocky horror picture show, and is his actor, Meatloaf. A
proper man. Chubby, talented, a rocker, that has a soul and is up for a laugh. I miss the days that guys used to be like that. Old fashioned and so un-perfect they are, well perfect. A guy was admired for his flaws, it made him unique. These days? Everyone fits into a group, or a stereo type, and anyone who steps out of them is a freak. Well pass me a chubby, old fashioned "freak" over any of these chavs, geeks or players any day.
Men should be there to rely on, rest your head on his shoulder, and know that he would kick anyone ass for hurting you. Not in the way guys start fights in the street, but in the way that no one would dare to come by, as they new you were his. Back in the day, this was how it was. No one feared that un-perfect man on the motorbike, but yearned for him.
Which leads me to another point. When did chubby guys become so unappealing? Is it just me that would still choose the chubby guy in the leather jacket over the guy in trackies? I mean women, you expect men to love you when you are chubby, why isn't that returned? I mean I find nothing more attractive than a chubby guy who can own a room, than that moody skinny guy that sits in the corner all mysterious.
I believe that all of these romance books have scarred our thoughts, I don't think I have read one that mentions a guy that has put on a few pounds and still rocks a leather jacket. Some of you may argue with me and say that thin guys are attractive, and i'm not saying they aren't. Each to their own; but I honestly think that the chubby old fashioned rocker has gone out of style, to be replaced with a modern version that has been on a diet. Quite frankly i'm sad.
I will continue to search for my Eddie, (although if you have seen the film, I don't want him to be murdered by a transvestite, if you haven't...go and watch it now!), or even my meatloaf.

Besides what is it they say? More cushion for the pushing!

Chann


If you are curious about the role he plays in The rocky horror picture show, go watch the film I urge you! It's so oddly fun, and you might just see what I mean.