One typical night at home, back in my primary school days, I decided to have an early night after being shocked in the day about the terrors of your first sex ed class. Drifting off to sleep I had no idea the terror I was about to put my parents through. My messed up young brain decided that it was time that I got up from my bed, grabbed a tampon, and a glass of water and wander downstairs in my sleep, to hand my possessions to my confused mother and ask this question. "Did you know that if you put a 7 pound note in water it goes poof?". I realize it was a very strange thing to do but it somehow made sense to me. I then turned on my heel and trotted back upstairs mumbling about cats. That was my first ever sleep talk and walk and it wasn't my last either. The only thing I think shows anything about me is that I grew up to be a crazy cat obsessed girl, although i'm betting people already saw that coming.
Although my sleep talking was odd, it is nothing in comparison to my friend Pinkie's recent antics at night. My sleep pattern being so erratic I often lay awake while he snores madly beside me, this was all fine until he started to get restless at night and that is when the talking started. For reading Pinkie wears glasses, and of course takes them off at nighttime, but one night, fast asleep he started rubbing his face and moaning that he had left his glasses on. I checked his face to my lack of surprise that he had taken them off before but he was still insistent that they were there. Another time, while I was scanning through Facebook he started kissing my cheek. I thought he was awake and was just being sweet until I turned to the side to see his eyes were shut. He then proclaimed an unfinished sentence that we are still trying to figure out what it means, in what sounded like a drunken slur "I never thought...and with you!" He then cuddled back up and went back into a deep sleep. Could this mean an undying love for me? Doubt it. Though whatever it is it clearly surprised him and made him happy. Bless him. The most recent and crazy thing he has done is proclaiming that he is batman. Oh yes, Pinkie seems to believe that he is a superhero, and sat up in his sleep to tell me, twice, that he was the batman. Do I believe him? Well lets just say, I have never seen them both in the same room together, so who knows?My cousin is a massive sleep talker. For some reason she likes to have massive conversations about random things in her sleep with whatever person she can get up and find. One night, I will not forget, is the night she had a sleepover at mine. We lay in bed, me reading a book by phone light and Becky snoring softly beside me, only to hear the snoring stop and her rolling over to face me.Then the sentence escaped her mouth that started a whole night of conversation in her sleep. "Have you ever noticed how sometimes carrots remind you of animals? I once saw a carrot that looked like Peter Kay". I realize Peter Kay is not an animal, but for some reason she insisted that she owned a carrot that looked exactly like him. All night she talked about carrots, while I sat and listened to her. I was convinced she was awake and just chatting rubbish as her eyes were fully open but I realised all too late that she was asleep when she started pulling out my drawers to look for this famous carrot. She then passed out on the floor, gripping a plant pot that she had decided was this carrot. Honestly, I have no idea where it came from, but that night was random as hell.
I have had so many sleep overs in my time but it's fair to say not all of them involved sleep talkers. However the times that it does are entertaining to say the least. My old friend Carrie, wasn't a night talker, she was a moaner. Each night, would be spent with sexual noises echoing around my room. Not only would she moan but she would gyrate, which would leave me on the edge of the bed with a pillow over my head, begging that whoever she was dreaming of having sex with would finish pronto so I could get some sleep. I asked her once who it was that she dreamt of, and she said she couldn't remember. I'm betting it was someone embarrassing like Gregg Wallace...Oh wait that was me. Anyway! When the day came that she got a boyfriend and her flower was taken the moaning stopped and instead it was replaced with the soft mumblings of her boyfriends name, which was sweet. Until the name changed to another lads... it's fair to say her relationship didn't last, I have no clue why...
So, to all the sleep talkers out there, unite! Scare the normal sleepers half to death with your mumblings about carrots and Batman, and just think. It might just be utter nonsense but it's a good way of getting the bed to yourself!
Chann
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