Future career? No idea

You know it still surprises me, even now, at 18, having gone through primary and high school and a few years of college how undeciding you can be about your future.

At age 8 I wanted to be a cowgirl like Jessie from toy story, I used to wear my full cowgirl outfit everyday until there were so many holes in it that my mother refused to let me out of the house in it, from fear of the neighbors talking, but even in my normal clothes I used to faithfully wear my cowgirl hat and strap my toy pistol to my waist. Just in case.

Around age 14 my dreams of being a cowgirl had vanished, to be replaced with dreams of being a crime scene investigator. I had spent most of my nights cuddled up to my dad as he watched one of his favorite programmes. CSI which also included the new york and miami versions. I wanted to be out there living on the edge, putting brains in blenders and catching the bad guys. Mainly I wanted to make my dad proud.
High school was filled with many "dream jobs" but mainly I wanted to be a writer. In primary school I had wrote stories for all of my friends and family, and used to thoroughly enjoy doing it. So when I realised that you could actually get paid for it? Well I went nuts. I wrote story after story, I reviewed anything I could get my hands on and payed extra attention in english. It was all I wanted and I tried hard. After getting a very tiny win of having a poem I wrote printed in a newspaper my dream was set. My goals were written down and my future career was planned out, until...

I changed my mind. I grew up and got hormonal. I found that I loved babysitting and children, well lets face it, are just so darn cute! I forgot writing and decided I wanted to be a teacher. I was prepared for all the hard work and went to college after passing my GCSE's to do childcare. I did a year and three quaters, passed everything, but in the last few months, was kicked off. I was going through a stage where I was very ill, and had so much time off they thought that it was too much to catch up on in placement (in a near bye nursery) hours. I was devastated and my mind was blank. I didn't want to do anything else! I just wanted to sit at home and do nothing.

My mum of course had other ideas, and due to lack of money, forced me back to college. She put me onto the only course that still had free places. Hairdressing. I was so angry, I didn't want to do it at all, but I had no choice. I sucked it up and started the course, only to find after a few months that I loved it, and I had, what I believed was, a talent for it. I was learning new skills every day and I used to look forward to going. The first year I passed with flying colours and I was so excited to go back for the second year.
However, the second year  hated. It was fine at first but then we were just left to our own devices. We were taught nothing new, and I realised. I am going to be doing the same thing for the rest of my life, there is no way to change or improve anything I have learnt and the basics were just it. Each day became more of a chore than an enjoyment and I realised that it just wasn't working anymore. Besides I didn't really fit into the crowd. I'm loud and chatty and I don't always wear make up. Fake tan is foreign to me and the trout pout? That isn't me. So I came to the conclusion. I had to leave. At the same time my mother got taken into hospital for a major stroke and is still sadly in there, so the stress of living on my own and looking after and sorting everything as well as college became too much. So I quit.

So now i'm here. No clue what to do. There isn't any particular career I want, nothing that draws my attention. I always have a plan, some sort of idea but this time? Nothing. My mind has drawn a blank, and the silence is killing me. One thing for sure, I need a job until I do... Hmm I wonder if anyone needs a cowgirl? I think I still have the hat somewhere...

Chann